“If your love for yourself is missing in action, others love for you will never be enough nor fully trusted.”
Let’s establish first that loving yourself doesn’t cause an enlarged ego, selfishness or misguidedness. Loving yourself is similar to loving another. When we love someone with all their fine points and miss-steps we are unconditionally loving them by accepting their flaws and fabulousness.
If you are seeking proof of another’s love, the least little infraction can cause upset and an inner belief story that what they are giving isn’t enough. Looking for proof at every turn is evidenced when you are saying, “Yes, but…” to the things they try to do with and for you.
Ahh, but if we don’t see and feel our love for ourselves in an active and daily sense we are not on sure-footing. We wonder why someone loves us when we can’t love ourselves. We worry that their love will run out the door; which corresponds to not knowing how to trust another’s love.
When we give ourselves the love that respects our own good heart and our discernible damage, we can accept other’s love more easily. Try taking small steps toward loving and accepting yourself. No need to search for perfection, it doesn’t exist and will only set you back from the goal to love yourself and allow others love in.
As a life coach, I am excited to meet people where they are mentally and emotionally. It’s a pleasure for me to tag along as people explore what they want, who they want to be, and how they want to navigate in this world. A common theme I hear in various forms is ‘people disappoint me’. Which leads the discussion toward their eventual understanding that if you are not sharing your loving self, you are sending a contrived representative hoping to get better results than you received in the past and generally with little- to -no internal satisfaction.
So, if all things of importance begin within you, as is presumed in title and a series of questions to come…I ask you this: “If you don’t experience your lovable qualities, how would you know if someone else was appreciating them?” I’m interested in what you think and feel. Please share your comments.
Walking down the street last week, I saw a woman with purple hair. As I began to let my mind wonder why she chose that color, a new thought came to me that said, “why is this important to me?” In that moment, I knew It was time to challenge out dated beliefs. It is no longer acceptable to let differences keep us separate and apart from each other.
Here are my first five beliefs that I have let go of so they will no longer hold me back from connecting with other people’s hearts.
1) Why judge non-conforming hair color as unusual or rebellious? Hair color is not the measure of someone’s heart.
2) Who says not every body type is made for vertical stripes? If it makes the wearer happy, why isn’t that enough for the rest of us?
3) Looking different from others doesn’t mean we are unalike internally. People share similar desires: to love and be loved, to be heard, seen and to matter in this life.
4) Fear sidetracks us from our deeper yearnings. It’s time to understand there is no rational nor irrational reason to fear what is ours to have in this life.
5) Our children are not as resilient as we once believed. Small hurts shift their view of self acceptance to feelings of unworthiness.
Here’s my call to action, identify three beliefs that you are willing to look at differently to facilitate greater connections to others. Big or small ideas are welcome; I hope to hear from you. If you want to challenge your friends and family, feel free to share this post with your social networks.
People are in such turmoil and are so divided, that I set a personal intention to promote more Love energy in the world. Please choose a statement or two that resonates with you and carry it into your interactions with others.
• Love is an illumination to be shared with humanity. • Labeling the opposition wrong doesn't change them; it just makes you judgmental. • Love creates our well-being in the world. Open yourself up to share your Loving nature. • Love heals all suffering; Love is nourishing kindness. • Spring into action, Love greatly. Start with yourself and allow it to blossom toward others. • Love is to be shared. Loving kindness is our ultimate gift. • Let the power of Love carry you throughout your day. • Organize people to love one another and our differences. Learn, lead and Love. • Love is a powerful slingshot! Bring down divisiveness with Love. • Love, what are you going to do with it? Take it to your grave or share it freely? • Love is not an emotion; Love lives within each of us.
May a Loving peace carry you through your life and encourage others.
Let’s explore living a good versus a good with an exclamation point life! A friend and I were contemplating what a good life looks and feels like and why many people are reluctant to claim and reach for a great life.
How many times have you heard yourself say, ‘I have a good job’, or ‘I have a good marriage’, or ‘I have a good life’ and followed it with a slight sigh at the end of the declaration. The sigh is not apparent at first, after all, there is nothing wrong with good. However after some time passes, the resignation of merely good starts to feel like – is this all there is… Others may not hear your sigh, but you can begin to feel a weight that doesn’t make complete sense to your logical mind. Perhaps good is the term we use to pacify ourselves. A fortunate few may a friend who comes along and helps them see themselves more clearly. Or a new friendship develops that reminds you of your intrinsic worth in ways you had long forgotten.
Now I ask you, what would make your life great – can you imagine it, (and winning the lottery ticket doesn’t count)? If it is too hard to picture, let me suggest an initial goal could be to move from good to good with an exclamation point!
Declare time and space to seek out what the exclamation point would feel like in your life. Listen for the message(s), that can be delivered in a soft whisper, but has the power to create a smile on your face and a hint of excitement in your heart. Pay attention to off-handed remarks that create new ideas in your heart. Express thoughts you have been suppressing, share an unexpected heartfelt moment with yourself, and be loving kindness in the world. That can be the beginning of living good with an exclamation point!
What possibilities are out there; that are waiting for your decision to claim good with an exclamation point?
3) What you focus on increases; what you resist~persists
4) Change your mind; change your circumstance
5) Ask for help
6) It’s not the other person who needs to change; it’s you that needs to change.
What are your everyday secrets? The statements that you share with others to help them grow. The facts you heard growing up that stay with you today are of interest to me. Share what you believe below. I value what you have to say and support your right to say it aloud.
Writing our statement(s) is an important exercise, because it helps us to see what we focus on and witness how it increases in our lives. On the flip side, those beliefs and thoughts we hold onto that do not serve us well, continue to persist in our lives. It’s the law of cause and effect. But my friends, if you change your mind by looking at things differently you can change your circumstances. If you can’t find a new way of looking at what is happening in your world, ask for help of someone you value and who supports your well being.
The secret you will find is the person that you think is causing you grief, is not the person who needs to change. To grow and learn from these people we change inwardly, in search of our most authentic self. Not the hurt self, looking for someone to make you feel better. Not your self that believes, I’ve been down this road before, so you assume it will happen again. But the self that accepts your positive aspects and notices when the negative raises its unhealthy head. The self that is in the present moment, not ruled by the past or fear of the future. It is not the part of you that is defined by what you do, your job or role in life. Rather it is the self that trusts who you are at your core is wise and worthy. That’s real change.
I have a friend who looks at her face in a magnifying mirror everyday. She has grown to hate her skin because of what she sees in a mirror that distorts what the normal eye sees. There is nothing any one can say to change her belief because she is stuck on distorted.
Friends, what are you stuck on that is distorted? Here’s a hint, It is a thought or belief that limits you. Do your friends or loved ones say “You are crazy, that’s not true”, when you say “I’m not smart”; “I’m not lovable”; “I’m not attractive”; or I’m too old to do that”? If I didn’t hit on your distort point fill in the blank because identification is the first step to destroying a distortion.
Next, ask yourself questions to get to the other side of distortion which is clarity and truth:
Who am I without this belief?
Who can I become without this thought?
Why is it okay to limit myself with this belief?
What was my life like before I became stuck?
Do I want to stay in a limiting place or do I want to grow?
How is a belief that holds me back serving or not serving me?
No one can change your mind, that is a personal quest. May you be able to lay the distortion down and embrace an uplifting truth that brings you peace and joy.
How many times do you think to yourself, I’m just too busy? When people ask you, “How are you?” Do you respond with, “Oh, I am just so busy.”? Is there a secret sense of pride or importance in that answer?
It’s as if being over active will be our 21st century legacy. Will our relationships with ourselves and others suffer while we are being too busy to connect? At the end of the day did you work so hard that you don’t have energy or time for meaningful relationships or thoughtful conversations with the people in your life?
Take notice of the adrenaline that pumps you up to get you through your next obligation. Here’s the thing, a perverse acceptance of busyness is likely your excuse to never focus on what your heart truly desires. What are you running from by being too busy? What are you trying not to think about? Where is the integrity in being too busy, just so we can avoid doing the things that support our purpose for being here on earth?
At the end of your life do you want to rejoice in having tried to live fully or die having hidden behind being too busy to live? Try this: identify a heartfelt goal and set an alarm to remind yourself throughout the day to do something towards your purpose. No matter how busy you are – stop at each alarm and do a little something toward fulfilling your purpose. That is a sure way to get off the I’m just so busy train and into your purpose-filled life. May the desires of your heart be clear and actualized dear friends.
Fear is like a drug; happiest when it has you too afraid to shed light on your thoughts and beliefs. You see fear knows when you shine light on it the fear will disappear like the Wicked Witch in the Wizard of Oz or The Wiz when water hits her. Fear is a creative liar. It attaches to your deepest insecurities and feeds you a Hollywood size story why you can’t or should not try. Love for yourself is the brilliant light that dries up fear and makes room for courage to try.
Love is strength. Love of self, love for another and even love of country indicates you possess an ability to be understanding, to employ forgiveness and apply some good old fashion wisdom of Solomon.
My wish for you is that as you hold love for yourself today you observe how it soothes your inner angst so you can see clearly what is important. Then as you continue to grow in love may you find yourself forgiving and sharing your love with others because my friends, life without love is not an option. As countries around the globe struggle with desperate feelings from divisive rhetoric we discover love is the wisest advantage if you want to nurture a peace in your heart and your country that surpasses all logical understanding.
What I know for certain is love expands. Love builds up; love does not tear down. Love is the gift of life. Let love’s strength grow you in ways that astonish your heart and enlighten your days. To quote the Beatles, “All We Need is Love”.