“She makes me so mad.” Have you ever uttered similar words about someone you know?
As the creative storyteller of your life, you choose what story you will tell yourself and others. Let’s go back to the first sentence, ‘she makes me so mad’; we give details about what she said and likely call her a few not so nice names that keep us stuck in frustration and hurt. We make up a couple sentences, like, “she never liked me or anyone else for that matter”, and now we begin to believe what we are saying. Even though we have not asked for clarification or confirmed it is true. That my dear reader is story creation.
May I suggest you stop telling the story the same old way? If you are invested in being the victim in your story fabrications, you won’t be willing to change your story to anything different. If you want to be free of other people’s stuff affecting you, choose to tell a different story.
Take responsibility for your feelings and thoughts. Ask yourself why do I react to other people’s stuff in this way? Most people say I don’t know. Look deep, it’s just buried in the darkest part of your internal closet. (Check out, last week’s blog below entitled Keys to Open Our Hidden Door(s)).
I saw a quote that suggests maturity is when a person hurts you and you try to understand their situation rather than hurting them back. May I suggest you return to the story you tell yourself and try to understand where you are and where the other person has come from. Create your story with love and dignity for all concerned.
What is the story I am telling myself?
What is true and what is made up?
What can I change within myself to judge less and love more?
Fair warning, dear reader, a sense of adventure is required to open doors you closed a long time ago to avoid getting hurt again:
•Trust yourself to handle whatever comes your way
•Forgiveness for yourself and others
•Love for yourself and others
These are keys to re-opening closed doors within your heart and mind that have been sealed shut for so long you forgot the doors were there originally to help you grow and prosper. Now that the keys are opening your doors, sit in the mental space, poke around to identify the various aspects of what you are thinking, believing and fighting against. Begin to heal your old emotional wounds by appreciating what repression tried to do for you. Release your hurts by choosing a new way of thinking so you can choose to live life out loud in your authentic way.
Have you ever looked around and wondered how did my life end up here? How long have I been wandering around in this dimly lit existence? When did I fall down the rabbit hole which landed me beside big ominous trees that obstruct my vision and my path? This, my friend, is a wilderness walk.We don’t even realize we are in the wilderness until our life and thoughts are so jumbled we can’t seem to see our way out. It is hard to believe that it is the quality of our beliefs that created our current situation.
Don’t be afraid of the wilderness. Sit in it and embrace what it has to teach you. Be brave enough to feel and then heal. Consider the wilderness as your metaphoric teacher. It is showing you it’s time to make a change from your old way of believing. Trust instead that you are empowered to create the life you desire outside of the wilderness.
If you don’t like what you are experiencing what inner belief can you change to create what you do want?
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Change, if you crave your desires and have not yet experienced the promise of it’s delight. Here’s the thing, you change yourself, do not expect the people around you to change first. Believing ‘if only he would be different’, is not going to ever bring you the desires of your heart. No more than thinking, ‘if only she would say these things to me’, it will bring you your true desires.
Change you. Look inside and examine what you believe to be true and then ask yourself is there room within you to see this idea/belief differently? For example, if you grew up in a household that didn’t support your dreams you may go out into the world believing people are not supportive. As an adult if you unconsciously choose to be around people who are not supportive it’s likely because you believe that people are unsupportive. You can hold onto your veiled belief that other people get support but not me or you can find room in your mind and heart to see that if some people are surrounded by supportive people, you too could be one of those people who get supported. And if that is true for you then your old belief can start to crack.
If you have been comfortable with where you are but uncomfortable being there it is time to change. This is your opportunity to allow a shift in thinking to occur. Start with yourself and set the intention to support yourself as you grow. Explore your own ideas and dreams. That’s how you lead change in your life. As you begin to promote yourself, watch and listen for others who want to support your vision.
Is there room in me to see this idea or belief differently?
Can I change the way I behave?
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Internal messages that do not serve us well in our pursuit to fully living our lives must be sent to the Trash bin; deleted and flagged as spasm email. Stop the habit of going back to take those less than desirable thoughts from the Trash. An all important step, not to be forgotten, is to permanently empty the Trash, that is to say, let go of negative self-beliefs.
You want to release all the negative self-put-downs. Give an example, you ask, here are a few: it’s when you tell yourself you are stupid, unreliable, unable to attract friends, a miserable person, not good enough, etc. Those are a few samples of internal trash thoughts that negate your well-being.
Those trash thoughts need to be replaced with a kindness that you begin to show yourself. When we were younger we sought out our parents and teachers for their approval. As adults looking for, or worse yet, needing that praise/approval/ thoughtfulness from others will never fully satisfy our longing.
The point I hope you won’t miss is to give loving thoughts to yourself early and often. And watch as you begin to attract others who support your positive ideas and begin to repel those people who bring you trash thoughts of their own. Trust me when I say, “we” all deserve loving treatment from ourselves and the people we allow into our lives.
What is the kindest thought you thought about yourself today?
Would you call a small child or loved one some of the harsh things you call yourself?
We all do or say something we are not proud of in this life of ours. There are times when embarrassing things happen to us at the hand of others. Some of us, not you of course, have had multiple infractions against ourselves and others. These unfortunate incidents that cause embarrassment and shame, are merely aspects of living and learning.
Embarrassment and shame are not intended to be the last emotions you hold onto after a disappointment. Figure out what you can learn from the experience, for example, what were the underlying reasons it happened, who can help with your new insight, or how does forgiveness allow you to move forward?
You are meant to feel and grow, not to get stuck. Take your new self knowledge, some empathy and a lot of compassion with you as you interact with others. Once you accept that you are no longer a person who wallows in the past or in painful memories, you can declare, “I am now a beacon for myself and others.”
Let’s get up and create our life rather than letting life happen. We do have the power to reimagine and then create the life we desire. The power is in our thoughts, beliefs, emotions and actions. Are your thoughts and beliefs focused on what you don’t want or on visualizing what you truly desire? Are your emotions down or heavy because of what you don’t have? And does that leave you with very little energy to take positive action toward your goals?
You have the power to turn your situation around. It’s called choice. You choose what you want to concentrate on; that can be what you want or what you don’t have. What you concentrate on is what you see in your life – day in and day out. If you want abundance but only see lack, check the thoughts you tell yourself and the beliefs you have about abundance. To achieve your desires the majority of your thoughts would focus on what are the steps to get there, who can I talk to, how can I open my mind and heart to receive more of what I desire. Day dream with a smile on your face, express gratitude for each small or large confirmation that you can now see because your focus is clear.
Gratitude and gladness go hand and hand, however many people stop at the gratitude level and forget to feel the gladness that comes with acknowledging something good is in their life. Here are two theories why: if the object of my gratitude goes away I will feel sad or if I share my joyful gratitude someone will judge me as bragging, selfish, or even egotistical. First of all not feeling excitement about something possibly happening or that has taken place does not ward of sadness nor that empty feeling if things don’t work out as we hoped. Two different emotions for two different outcomes. Feel the feeling in the moment that you are in. Emotions can’t be bargained away, I won’t feel this to avoid feeling the other. I won’t let love in so I won’t ever be hurt. Yet you hurt because you yearn to be loved. Remember when we were children playing in the park on a see-saw? You go up and down with another person each of you taking turns pushing off. If you were there by yourself you stayed on the ground.
I don’t remember who said this but the fact that I remembered this quote is my respect for the one who penned it first, “How someone treats you is their karma and how you react is your karma”. Anyone judging you or your situation is displaying judgmental thoughts. Their thoughts in your life are merely their thoughts, neither right nor wrong.
Feeling gladness is a birthright. Use it to honor yourself and to light someone else’s path.
It’s here, we are days into 2017. We take great delight in wishing each other a happy new year! The overwhelming return response is “I think it’s going to be a good or even a great year.” And I want that outcome for each of us. What concerns me is we say it so hopefully, expecting something outside ourselves to make us happier, thinner, smarter, more wealthy or whatever you imagine for yourself. Yet at the end of most years, we say to each other, “Phew, I’m glad this year is over” and we start over with well wishes and big dreams…
This year I encourage us to reflect and open up to what we can do differently to help our circumstances become better than the year before? Where can your imagination take you to lift you out of the same old thing? How can you be of service to others?
We have within us the possibilities to move from struggle to grace and greatness in 2017!
Seeing with new eyes is all about seeing “the same” differently. We go to work the same way everyday. Take the same route to school and what do we notice? Anything different? That’s my challenge for you. Look around, see with a purpose to observe something new. If you have not really looked at the people in your life, those closest to you, notice something different about them.
Why is this important? It brings us into the present moment. It gives us something new to experience. Are you aware that the majority of our thoughts are repetitive? Experts say 80-90% of our thoughts are the same things we told ourselves yesterday and the day before that. Make room for new thoughts and observations. Make space for a new year with new experiences.
Wishing you all joy and abundant life (that is health, happy moments, strong loving relationships, faith, hope, wealth, goodness and strength) in 2017!
Look around you, identify something in your surroundings that you have not noticed in a while? To start it could be as small as looking closely at a picture in your home.
Are your repetitive thoughts serving you, your family, or your community well?